#SoPhi | Ladies, Know & Rate Your “Yams” By @PhillyTheBoss

by • October 17, 2011 • SoPhiComments (3)3949

According to all you women, all of you have good pussy. I mean rightfully so, no one of the male species is going to say “Hey, don’t waste your time here, my dick game is wack.” NOPE, you will NEVER get that kind of warning. However men are more self conscious, some suffer from performance anxiety etc etc due to knowing of feeling a certain way about their overall skill level along with other things. WOMEN on the other hand have this thought that “My box is the best box” and truly believe it.

Well ladies, guess what? I simplified the shit so that all of you will understand it. Its not difficult. Just read a little further and think to yourself “Oh, this is my box! Oh ok.” Please don’t be delusional, I didn’t write this for my health.

Yam 1 – The “Cold Stone Creamery”

This box is that upper echelon Yam. The shit that make niggas not come outside. Ya man is a Eagles fan. He plans on watching it on the NFL Network on a Thursday night. However yall laid up in the bed enjoying each other company, when the Phone rings. “Hey Tone, I just got Tix to the Eagles game. You rolling?”, Tone says “Yeah nigga, be right there.” He explains to you the situation. You say to him: “Go on baby enjoy”. However after the shower you get that quickie in because you wanted dick anyway and MAY be sleep when he get home. WHAT Happens next? That nigga turns whats supposed to be a quickie into, suckin ya toes, lickin ya ass, asking you to ride his face and mid deep breath before you smother him again he calls his boy “Man, I can’t make it.. but Imma hit u back.. gotta go”. Click. First and foremost all Eagles fans are psychotic. Miss a game? Woman that doesn’t happen. Women w/ Cold Stone Yam, their man eyes don’t even wander for the first year. He notices nothing but you. He has a glow. He bikes to work because he don’t want to pollute the Earth. To sum it up, your box has changed a mans life for the better.

How to better know if you are the owner of said Yam. A.) This Yam gets wet when you give head.. the deeper he goes in ya throat, the wetter you get. B.) This Yam talks back when getting pounded. No, not pussy farts but that juicy sound that sounds like a hungry nigga fresh from jail in time for grandma’s world famous Thanksgiving dinner. smackin’ on a turkey leg & greens C.) Ya bills STAY paid. The calendar doesn’t even hit the third of ANY month w/o you being good to go as far as bills. D.) The owner of these yams does kegels at least 6 times a week and definitely all day while she is at work. Hard work equates to great performance. E.) Its a walk. Yes, us Pussy connoisseurs can spot good pussy a mile a way. I can’t elaborate no further because I don’t need you heffas trying to fool anyone.

Yam 2 – The “Haagen Dasz”

This here is the yam of most wives. Yes. See men cuff this, Why? Because the chances of encountering “Cold Stone” are slim to none. Therefore, we cuff the best available, kinda like the NFL draft. If you are a female sports fan, you understand what I am saying. Said yams gets a man to stumble over himself somewhat, coupled w/ a few moves you might be able to fool him into believing he’s landed “Cold Stone”. That good ol’ switch-a-roo. A man can be content w/ this UNTIL he see’s that “Cold Stone Creamery” walk. Now, he’s gonna keep you because he loves you, but that upper echelon yam is may cause him to have a whole other family on the side. Ladies, don’t question why your dad has kids elsewhere. Just know “Damn, Mom wasn’t Cold Stone”.

How to better know if you are the owner of said yam. A.) Unlike it’s predecessor, this one doesn’t quite create insecurity issues because its so good therefore within 6 months to a year this yam lands you a ring. B.) This box gets quite moist too, takes a little more elbow grease but can satisfy the best of men. C.) While married your bills get paid. As a girlfriend, you get money towards shit. Takes $400 to fix ya car? He’ll shoot you $150 easy. D.) The owner of this yam does kegels approx 3 times a week. Typically too busy doing “Independent” shit to be doing kegels.

Yam 3 – The “Ben & Jerry’s”

This yam here is the yam of most side chicks. Just good enough to get a nut. Nothing special, but some men for whatever reason like “variety” so they get a side chick and usually land this. Now you’re wondering “How is this box distinct to side chicks”. ALL SIDE CHICKS know that they are side chicks, they suffer from self esteem issues, searching for attention etc. Therefore the first man to show them a little love they take to. Well now their body count has racked up and the yam isn’t what it used to be. After so many dicks it has lost its luster a little bit BUT was once upon a time a “Haagen Dasz” or maybe “Cold Stone Creamery” and the whore didn’t realize the gem she was sitting on. This yam is like a old show dog, still has a few tricks in it, yet just watching the days tick away until the end.

How to better know if you are in possession of said yam. A.) Look yourself in the mirror, you fucking everyone else’s man but don’t have your own. B.) You need monetary assistance and each and every dude you call give you the “Ok, let me call you back” line. C.) None of your baby daddies really give a fuck. They will “Hey Boo” you when in between women. D.) Kegels is done whenever this owner remembers.

Yam 4 – The “Breyer’s”

Sigh. This here, man. These yams here just don’t give a fuck. Quite a few of these on Twitter, they also still check and update their Myspace pages. These are the yams you call when you leave the club at 3 am. Ya main chick whom u don’t live w/ has to work, and your 1 or 2 side heauxs are on their period. This is the yam that get the 1am setup call “Hey I was here drinking and thought about how I fucked up and I miss you”. His fuck up that he is trying to clear up is fucking you before and never calling again, until now. You fall for it and at 3:30am he’s rolling on the condom because you def have an STD and he proceeds to beat the guts. Nothing special at all about this particular yam. Its just to get this nut out of us after a night of striking out, which rarely happens hence you RARELY getting a call. These yams are familiar with best friends and family members. The kids that have come out these yams are brothers and cousins. Thee worst.

How to know if this is Trash is yours. A.) Look at your last STD test. B.) Can a group of men ANYWHERE exchange stories on your yams? C.) That isn’t your PH balance heaux, that’s a yeast infection that got you smelling like that. D.) Kegels don’t matter anymore. E.) Without Child support, NO nigga is giving you anything more than a Arizona Iced tea of your choice that he picks up on the ride on his way over to your house.

Ladies, I hope this helps.

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3 Responses to #SoPhi | Ladies, Know & Rate Your “Yams” By @PhillyTheBoss

  1. this is some funny stuff. It should be humbling to some chicks but stupidity is blinding!

  2. […] I’m not sure who has the better pum: Erica Mena or Rihanna… However, for those not in the know on what “ColdStone” box is check out a previous rating scale HERE […]

  3. brandon. says:

    Very through.

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