Hey fellas, here’s a list of things to do, to confirm your love for your woman in her mind. Ladies if your man isn’t doing most if not all of these things, he is definitely doing the for another woman.
1. Around 3am when the “Morning wood” process starts to kick in, program yourself to wake up and flip her over to take that box. Women love the lil “breaking & entering” at that hour. You rock hard, her box is sleep, you make her “toot that thang” up on you and break in. Bet money 1. before she go to work she at least kiss the royal penis OR polish it and 2. She think about it so much at work that she text you Mid day w/ a cute lil “Baby that was awesome early this morning, thank you.”
2. Slap her ass early and often. “Real Niggas” are Barbarians b. They understand this. While she’s making your breakfast before yall head off to work slap that ass and give her a kiss. “Morning baby, breakfast smells delicious. Love you babe”. That ass slap is soothing to her subconscious soul. Slap her ass in the deli meats section when she orders that 1 lb. of turkey breast. No place is off limits for a good ol’ fashioned ass slap/pat except a funeral. That’s just weird.
3. Threaten her. The most appropriate time to get away with a serious threat is right after you guys finish a sexual activity. Drop that “If you give my pussy away ever, you know that’s ya ass right?” She’ll say “Oh cut it out” and you say “Aight don’t try me yo.” Send her terroristic threats via text message every few weeks. It does nothing but make the bond stronger. Ladies if a man aint willing to kick your ass IN HIS MIND, your pussy is trash and he has another woman he’s threatening somewhere else.
4. Paint her toenails. Now, don’t go being all perfect and shit otherwise you’ll just become all weird to her. Paint outside the lines like a kid, make it “cute”. Women eat that shit up. This probably only happens in the winter because her toes are no longer out. However, swallow ya pride, get on ya knees and paint her fuckin nails.
5. NEVER bring flowers or gifts home. Have them delivered or deliver them yourself to her job. Let her bask in glory in front of them bitches she hate at work, whose boyfriends got them arguing and crying in the break room or making calls to the utility company to get an extension. The pussy she will put on you when she get home will seem foreign and amazing. Let you woman show off. Call her up “Baby? What would you like for lunch?” THEN bring her lunch AND her favorite flowers and or a Teddy Bear. Thank me later.
6. Eat that box from the back. No further explanation needed. Just Do It.
7. Send her lust filled messages mid-day. She gonna laugh and giggle and text you back “Oh my” at first but the descriptive shit you putting got her box running like a leaky faucet. DO NOT SEND SOME OL CORNY ASS ROMANCE NOVEL SHIT. Take charge. Tell her shit like “Babe, when I get home you better be ass naked or whatever you got on I’m tearing the fuck off you, Imma press that ass up on the balcony glass door and I’m taking that pussy.” Her first thought “Goodness fuckin gracious” She might find something nice and sexy on her way home for you to tear the fuck off her and be waiting for you in it. Women like men who are animals, ones who have their animalistic side in control.
So fellas take heed to my words or your girl is reading this right now and is about to hop up in my DM’s with #HeyBoo and I WILL #heyboo her back. Til next time.