Many men, and women (however I am a male so I speak on male things) find themselves in a sticky situations where they have to choose one or the other when dealing with two people of the opposite sex. I’m a big supporter of monogamy however there are no rules to ones heart. We’re all guilty of letting 1 relationship linger a little longer than it should as we proceed into another because we attempt to “Let them down easy”. You don’t want to crush someone by having them thinking they aren’t good enough whether emotionally, mentally, physically etc. Esp if things were going really well AND THEN The other person took initiative a made the effort to make you theirs, thus sealing the deal. Speaking for men, there are MANY ways this is possible. Now keep in mind, some people just WANT multiple people. This isn’t in regards to them. Let’s go over a few scenarios so you can better understand what goes through some our minds. There’s is many complexities to this situation but I do have a real marketing job I have to get back to that pays a salary, SOOOO here’s 2 parts for now and If the response to this blog deems necessary other scenarios will be posted.
Many times women dictate the pace of the terms of dating and the terms are usually gradual and slow so that they can OVER-think a situation. Everyone wants to make sure the person they commit to is “the one” but the slow and steady process does no favors. Think of it as living in a frat house/sorority house. You bought the Orange juice, but you don’t claim it, no name is on it etc., before you know it someone consumes it. Same with relationships, if you don’t commit to the person you are with it leaves them free to get acquainted elsewhere. You’re taking it slow and another woman see that he is of quality and she drops the bait and him not being in a committed relationship at that time will bite. We have all had the “I’m talking to someone but it’s not serious” line in our arsenal and utilized it. We start dating her, while dating you. We may not tell you about the situation because its new and not promising or we will tell you the truth “It’s not serious”. After that is when things get tricky. Women tend to think men are insensitive conniving creatures when in fact, we are the exact opposite. A man has dated you and her successfully, “Murphy’s Law” occurs and we end up in a situation where damn; We have 2 great women on our hands and we don’t know how to say “I love you… BUT, I love her too..” Because we have gained such love and respect for you we don’t want to hurt you. We realize how do you tell someone who equally enjoy you as much as you do them that phrase? How do you possibly devastate someone further than they already are from previous relationships? Just when she thought everything was awesome and she finally landed a great guy, you’re willing to tell her “I love you… But, I love her too AND she’s better than you, so I’m going to go with that option.” Yes, we all know the perfect man will “Man Up” and tell a woman that, from a females perspective. However, from the male perspective and being a man with a conscience, that’s a heavy burden to bear. One that says you can potentially add to the already fragile confidence a woman has in relationship already with your actions.
This is of course versus what women will call “The cowards way out” which is. Let both relationships linger a little while (a responsible guy won’t consistently have sex with both further complicating the matter) letting one or the other eliminate themselves. Me personally, I’m all for that. Why you ask? Well because, in many instances a woman will be everything you want in the beginning, and women lie better than men therefore it takes more time to unfold what the truths and or bullshit may be. EVERY man has been through it, we hastily choose one woman over another only to realize the woman we chose lied her way to the position while we let go of the woman who genuinely cared. Shit, I did that myself recently. Chick put on an amazing show in the beginning, I was blinded by the amazing stunts while the other chick who genuinely loved me but took her time was discarded. Soon after eliminating her, the true colors of the chick I decided to commit to started showing. Every man has been through this. What women fail to realize is many men want love as much as you all do which is what extends our decision making process. We literally make a list and check it many times. We as men enjoy consistency, because we are simple creatures so when we commit, we want your ass in the same spot we put you, for AWHILE.
Another breeding ground for the infamous “I Love You.. BUT, I Love Her Too” to come about is during that infamous “I think we need to take a break”. Ladies, that shit doesn’t work. A lot of men take break-ups (which is how we see a break, because none of us truly expect you to be back) hard and do the most reckless shit they can conjure up in the section labeled “illogical” in their brain. Most men who had unprotected sex outside of a seriously committed relationship, literally did it RIGHT AFTER a break up. A hurt man w/ a dick is a danger to himself. However ladies, you must know. A break truly means in all likelihood you shouldn’t be with that person. I’m no snitch so I won’t tell you what your man is currently doing while on a break, It is likely 10x’s worse than what you can imagine. The scenario involving this topic though leads your man to get to know another woman, she’s a breath of fresh air to his confused mind and damaged heart. She provides him with that sense of love that you showed at the height of the relationship. All the while he still thinks of and loves you every day, no matter how much he despise how it ended. She just so happens to be a good woman that distracts him from his current toilet bowl of emotions that he feels with you. What do you do? You as a woman decide you want to give it another shot. Now he’s sitting here with a awesome woman nurturing him back to emotional health, meanwhile he has a weakness/place in his heart for you. Again, in the perfect world you think “A real man would just be upfront and say what it is”. It’s not that simple, simple. Many women need to realize “Sometimes a lie is the truth” let it marinate, it will make some sense later. Men who love a woman are natural over-thinkers. The verbal battle with a woman is always a check in the “L” column. We are not about to go into it with you about how we met her, how we can care for her so soon, or anything else. It’s a losing debate that should never actually happen. So, with you reemergence into our lives how do we let go of the current greatness in our lives which is her, or what we knew was great, you? How do we know you will not have to “re-evaluate” things or “Take a break” again. You want us to ruin whats currently going well for what could be. Its actually a selfish proposition.
Women are very emotional creatures. Ones who need consistent nurturing from the offset. With that you have to understand that the man who takes you on is being asked a lot because we have to consider these emotions and feelings. No one is condoning infidelity, cheating, deceit, etc. This is just detailing how certain unfortunate situations for all parties involved come about. Not every man is a cheater, not every man wants to cheat. Not every man need multiple women. Sometimes we just need assurance that we are in good hands and we may take our time to find out if in fact you are the right choice.
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