Sophi: “Your Ex’s Can Be Psychologist Too…”

by • January 2, 2012 • SoPhiComments (0)1410

Many people; “professionals”, hurt people, happy people, etc etc all say “Never get back with an ex, if it went wrong once it will happen again. Me myself I’m no professional but I like to play ‘devils advocate’ at times. “WHAT IF” your ex love wanted to reconcile things? Do we prefer the adventure of the unknown over whats familiar? Is it that we assume that “ok they want me back, so I can put them on the shelf until I’m ready to deal with them”, meanwhile playing the field a little longer. I don’t have the answers to this, it’s really just to provoke the same thoughts that were provoked within me recently.

Recently I’ve conversed with a few of my exes. Weirdly enough outside of two who have pulled stunts beyond repair, I’m good with all of my exes (Friends). As of late, for some God forsaken reason they’ve been “telling me about myself”. I’ve been all ears because for the most part we’re all good friends to the point that a few of my exes are friends with each other, post being with me and either by meeting each other at my events, pool parties at my house or any other get together I have. I feel they have valid points about some of the things they say to me, hence why I listen.
While my exes poked holes and prodded at my recent failed attempts at dating other women, I realized “Sometimes your exes may know you better that any other individual in the future MAY even get close to.” Think about it: The more we go through relationship-wise, the more we restrict access to our emotions. What we were once willing to put up with once upon a time, we are no longer interested in accommodating. With every failed attempt at love we shut down more and more until we are too damaged to date or wake up and shake off all the baggage. Not all relationships end in a toxic, nuclear explosion. Frankly, as an adult they don’t have to. In other cases we’ve all been in that relationship where we completely loved a person and it just wasn’t right at that moment and time so after a year or 2 of being together things just go in the opposite direction. Those are some of the most painful relationships because you are in a way blindsided by the “failure” that hits you in the face one day.

This one particular ex, we split up because I was just starting my business and getting into my retire at 40 plan that I went too hard. I seen success staring me in my eyes & chased it. I felt certain windows of opportunity are only available for so long and being a newcomer to Miami at that time, I couldn’t pass it up. In talking to anyone to get useful input and feedback or just looking for a honest answer you have to be open. We’re sitting around playing monopoly and 1 ex brings up a chick I was talking to: “You could peep the way she talks, that the two of you wouldn’t last long.” See this is what caught me, a simple observation from her, that I was overlooking. My other ex from Jersey, chimes in: “Yup, you’re very bull headed. Immediately upon meeting you, you know that you’re a different type of dude. She didn’t give a fuck and you have to be lonely for your bad choice in women lately.” Naturally, I’m like “Lonely? Nah, not me! I have tons of options.” But that’s just it; you can have a refrigerator full of food, but if you do not want any of the options in there you won’t be fulfilled. Therefore infact, there may be a tinge of truth to what these judgmental heathens were saying to me. While they were sitting there picking me a part I say out of sheer desperation of defense “Yall know me so well, why aren’t I with either one of you” and it hit me: We’re still good friends because they are good people. Neither relationship ended with bullshit. I didn’t feel robbed in the end. Situations like that you know it just wasn’t the right fit at the time. By the way no, I’m not considering getting back with either because I love them as friends. They are both some of the most amazing women I have come across and kind of a standard I hold other women too. I’ve experienced something good before so I know not to settle for less than. However if our friendships didn’t grow into what they are now, yes, I would contemplate reconciliation.

I also recently watched a video of Joe Budden and Tahiry discussing possibly getting back together and I found it amazing that two people who love each other immensely make the littlest things the biggest debate. If you fundamentally agree, work on the minor details. Joe and Tahiry are a prime example of a couple that should be together but one or both is stuck on what wasn’t right in the past. People grow, Its better to try again with someone who genuinely has your best interest at heart with minor workable flaws as opposed to someone new who may get you into some shit that is too deep to get out of. Relationships aren’t like shoes, clothes or cars. They shouldn’t be seasonal, monthly or yearly. They take work, don’t be afraid to work on what you have. A ex of mine propositioned me to reconcile. My initial thought process was “For what? We didn’t work the first time.” Yet then I thought; “Who better? She knows my likes and dislikes, I don’t have to explain myself as much because we been down this road before. I don’t have to deal with the headache of her trying to decipher my actions because they don’t make sense to her because all my exes know, my actions don’t make sense during the process, just at the end of it all.” My theory is why not give love another try with someone worthy from your past? You will spend years of your life forcing yourself to move on, leaving a piece of your soul with each person you give into emotionally, when there is someone there who know’s what makes you who you are and appreciates that.

Your ex’s can be psychologist too, sit down and talk with them. Well the mature non-vindictive ones. Learn something new about yourself or finally hear what you have been afraid of all this time. Of course this all being just MY opinion though.


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