#SoPhi | “When You Find The Right Freak….” By @ImDesi

by • June 15, 2012 • SoPhiComments (7)2084


Often times I compare the dating game to one of my favorite childhood stories, Goldilocks and the Three Bears. You meet someone, find out they’re wrong for you, then the search for the one who’s “just right,” goes on. I’m picky and I get annoyed easily. I want a particular kind of guy and I won’t settle. I know pretty early on where things will end up with me and someone. But just to test the accuracy of my intuition, I have given a couple guys a chance even though I felt they weren’t really what I was looking for. I will never have men figured out, I stopped trying a long time ago, but I think they can pretty much be divided into three categories; Mr. Perfect on Paper, Mr. He Cool, But, and The Right Freak. Let’s take a closer look at them:


Mr. Perfect on Paper: This is the guy you think you’ve been waiting for, at first. He’s got a degree or two under his belt, no children so no baby mama drama, owns his house, maybe a couple cars, and looks like he has his priorities in order. He’s probably driving an SUV of some sort or a Toyota Camry, you know something safe, not too flashy but not a hoopty. He most likely has a good job making a decent amount of money, 401k plan. He takes you on a few dates, he pays of course and you guys have pretty good convo but you feel like something is missing. You ignore that feeling though and tell yourself, “This guy is perfect, why are you trippin!! Accept this blessing!!” So you wait it out, go out on a few more dates, hang out a few more times, then things start feeling real routine. Convo gets a little boring and he gets pretty predictable. He calls and texts the same exact things at the same exact times everyday! This guy is done learning about life. He goes to work and comes home for the most part. Every now and then he’ll hang out with the guys but he’s nothing to worry about, he’s just happy to have someone around on a regular basis. Sex with him is just as routine and mediocre as his life, 7 minutes or less of missionary followed by a coma like he really put work in. His mantra is, ‘if it ain’t broke, why fix it?” He is content with things just the way they are, he just wants a wife and kids to complete his American Dream. Boring!!! NEXT!!!


Mr. He Cool, But: This guy made some mistakes in the past but he’s really trying to get it together. He probably lives with his mom right now (times are hard), his moneys a little slow because he either forced himself to make money the legal way after doing a bid or he just had to buy them Yeezy’s that just came out. This guy’s priorities are pretty f*cked up. He lives to look like he’s living lavishly, it’s about the image. “Cashin Out” is his theme song. This guy drives either a Monte Carlo, Grand Prix, an Impala or has an old school ride. This is your go to guy when you just wanna ride through the city lights on a breezy summer day or night listening to your fave coon tunes like 2 Chainz and forget about your responsibilities. He has all the street smarts. But he’s also paranoid, thinks everyone is out to get him. He won’t even leave his keys in the car with you because he thinks someone might take off with you. Every time you hang with him it’s an adventure. He lives life on the edge and thinks it’s him against the world. This guy probably lays down the d, but there’s no real chemistry. He’ll try to trap you and make you his next babymama, he has nothing to lose. NEXT!!!


The Right Freak aka The One: This is your guy!!! He’s open minded and well rounded, seen or been on both ends of the spectrum and now he is the best of them. He’s not perfect but he’s working on it. He may or may not have a degree but he is highly educated about life and himself. He’s confident and strong, willing to provide for you and do whatever it takes to keep a smile on your face. This guy has dreams, he’s ambitious. He is creating a legacy, looking for a Queen to accompany him in his kingdom. This man knows that he needs a complement, even though he’s already complete. A couple years ago, my mama said the realest sh*t I ever heard about relationships, “When you find the right freak, you’ll wanna settle down.” This guy will satisfy your every sexual need and cherish every inch of your body and you will let him and reciprocate because you trust him. He makes sure to let you know that he knows your worth and respects you. He may be slightly possessive but that’s only because he cares about you. He’s probably a workaholic and you will come second to work but don’t trip, work on your own sh*t while he’s working on his. He has found a way to balance his strengths and weaknesses which most likely mirror yours. You motivate each other to be your best selves and live your best lives. This is someone you can grow with. You can stop your search here. However, Mr. Perfect on Paper and Mr. He Cool, But can evolve into The Right Freak with effort and determination but it has to be a personal goal, he will not change for you.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, guys fit into one of those three categories. Keep in mind that you are what you attract so if you’re constantly attracting the wrong guys, you may need to work on yourself a little more. When you become the right freak, The Right Freak will come along. I’m just hoping he’s ok with me eating all his porridge.

By – @ImDesi

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7 Responses to #SoPhi | “When You Find The Right Freak….” By @ImDesi

  1. Ha!

    “Keep in mind that you are what you attract so if you’re constantly attracting the wrong guys, you may need to work on yourself a little more.”

    And become a better freak yourself.

    Well done, Des.

    -FJ
    FeministaJones.com

  2. Tam says:

    You raised some very good points!! While I dont agree with all of them, I think your point stands to be valid;-) . Great work!

  3. Sheen Bean says:

    This is the realist thing I’ve in a long while. It’s refreshing to get a woman’s point of view without the hoeness that’s been rampant on Twitter. I can’t relate to the hoeness, but I can relate to this. Thank you!

  4. Diggame says:

    Good stuff right here Desi! i see you out here!!

    One caveat to this is someone has to be searching for some knowledge of self to even the difference between these men

  5. Knight says:

    love it. have dealt with two out of the three (like most have) and definitely believe in catching only what’s worthy of what you’re throwing out.
    Great Job!
    xo k

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