#SoPhi recently posted a successful blog: 48 Laws of Power In Dating. The newest writer for the site @LunchGod dropped this gem, worth being The 49th Law. Pay attention and do note.
Relationships are hard work. Mine isn’t perfect and yours won’t be either. The friends you have that are in relationships have been through all sorts of trifling shit that you will never be privy to; you just see the pictures on Facebook of their shit-eating grins while they’re in Cancun or wherever. The relationships you look up to and admire are not perfect…in part because they keep any turmoil where it belongs…under the surface and far away from the prying eyes of the outside world. It isn’t a facade, either; it’s just none of your goddamn business that the night before they took that picture they had a knock-down, drag-out argument about grits.
In life, they say you have to share your successes and your struggles with those in your immediate circle. Once you get into a committed relationship, though it sounds strange, that significant other then becomes your circle. Running and telling all your business to your homegirls/boys exposes holes in your relationship that may plant unnecessary seeds of bullshit in your friends’ minds. They’re only getting a one-sided view of the issue in most cases and are obviously more likely to side with who they know better, since they probably only know your partner through you. Now you’ve got the friend giving you the “you are so much better than this” reassurance when they don’t even have the full story and subconsciously you’re convincing yourself you’re in the right based on a biased second opinion. [Now if you’re being abused in some way, you of course need to speak up. If it’s physical, you need to contact the authorities or your cousin Do-Dirty and just get out of there.]
Family can be even worse. Your parents should at this point be secure in the fact that they have raised a person who is capable of choosing a suitor who is right for them and allow you to make your own success or failure without being negative or trying to influence you in any way. If there is constant clashing between parent and partner, then you need to look at who the source is and consider who needs to be put in their place. Remember also when taking advice from parents that they were in the dating game in a whole other time period and have a vested interest in you, so their advice may not always be gospel.
If you have any sights set on marriage with a person, you’ve got to get used to the idea of that relationship being your world. You’re not gonna prosper in a relationship by doing the same shit you were doing when you were single. This is why I generally recommend shacking up, because you never know if you can truly deal with being married until you’ve been in a situation where you can’t opt out of an argument and just go home. Opting out doesn’t do anything but give you time to stew and convince yourself you’re right, making it impossible to see both sides. If you’re stuck under the same roof, it forces you to eventually calm down and remember why you’re there in the first place…and hopefully work it out. There are other reasons for this, but I know how some of you folks from Twitter live by this ignorant “single until married” creed, so I won’t harp on that point any further in this post. Enjoy that cat collection, though.
Seriously, though. Keep your friends and family out of your relationship. A relationship is a meeting of two minds and those minds shouldn’t be tainted by the biased thoughts of outside parties. Telling your friends every aspect of your relationship, ladies, is very high school. Woman up and talk to that man. Fellas, if she does this, throw that fish back into the sea…she isn’t ready for an adult relationship. And fellas, if you’re doing this shit, cut that out…your homeboys are not trying to hear about your relationship struggles. Man up and talk to your woman.