The other day I posed the question “Why do you want to have kids?” on Twitter and @ImDesi tried to steal a nigga shine as usual. Before I could even tell her what the topic was or what direction I was going with it, she hit me with:
“I really feel like a lot of people have kids for the wrong reasons. For one because they’re unsuccessful in other areas of their life like their career and they see a child as a way to be legendary without putting in the work it takes to first be successful at other things. Also to feed their need for power, they have a little person they can control and get to do whatever they want. Or to satisfy their need for love. Children love unconditionally and honestly. If more people saw having children as a privilege instead of a right and did it in order to contribute to humanity, there would be less early and accidental pregnancies.”
Now what Desi is talking about here is something I like to call Reproductive Responsibility. That term is commonly used when talking about men sharing equal responsibility for their role in the act of conception instead of putting all of the blame on the woman for “allowing it to happen.” That’s cool, and I agree it takes two to tango but I like to think that reproductive responsibility is more about humans being responsible with the gift of reproduction. You see, most of the answers that I received were unfortunately from a perspective seeking self gratification. I got answers like “I want to raise a family” ”I want my legacy/name to live on” and even simply just “Because I want kids”. Everything seems to be about them. Making a positive contribution to humanity is almost never factored into the equation. Sure people want their kids to grow up and be “better” than them but usually only for their own selfish reasons. That’s why most parents take all the credit when their kids excel, but avoid all the blame when they fail. People (men and women) make the MISTAKE of getting pregnant and then have a “fuck it, I’ll just do the best I can with what I have” attitude towards parenthood. They take zero accountability for their initial mistake but act like they’re “doing the right thing” by “accepting the responsibilities.” Shut that dumb shit up and sit y’all dumb asses down.
The fact is most parents are selfish. You have the women who had their kids for unconditional love – like Desi mentioned earlier – who post pics all day of their “besty” or “twin”. That’s not your friend you silly bitch, that’s your child. These poor children are innocent and usually look up to Mom and Dad (if he is even still in the picture) as the perfect example of an adult until they get old enough to realize that you are full of shit. Most kids consider their parents to be their heroes, but if you take the children out of the equation, most of these people haven’t really achieved shit with their lives to begin with. The most heroic or legendary thing most of you have ever done was get pregnant. Your claim to fame is being mommy or daddy. Who are you without your children? People say they have children so their name and legacy can live on but they have yet to even make a name for themselves or establish a legacy. You have people more focused on having a child before a certain age so they’re not “too old” to do anything with them while they’re still young; as opposed to focusing on doing something with their lives to prepare for parenthood before they are too old to have children. Fucking backwards logic. We praise single mothers/fathers for handling the job on their own (and they do deserve credit) but celebrating a failure only sends the message that failure is acceptable. If we ridiculed people for having children early and with people they “believed” would stick around then I can almost guarantee that the number of accidental pregnancies and single mother households would decrease. Instead we celebrate the single mother, which tells the young girls growing up that it’s ok to raise a child on your own. “If that man lies to you and you believe it, only to find out that he isn’t shit in the end – it’s ok because you can still do it on your own.” That’s bullshit and we are out of pocket as a society for promoting that type of logic. Saying the hell with it I can do it on my own isn’t a sign of strength, it’s actually a sign of weakness. Ever think about the fact that it’s a privilege to drive, vote, carry a gun and do all kinds of other things that can be revoked from us but somehow it’s a right to reproduce. What gives you the right to bring another life into the world when you aren’t fit to raise it for the betterment of the world? Nevermind being fit to raise it, because raising a productive member of society for the betterment of the world isn’t even on your agenda. You had that kid to fulfill your own selfish desires and now WE have to deal with the consequences and repercussions. You wanted to have a family because TV told you that was your reason for being on this Earth but that child you provided for instead of raised grew up to shoot up a movie theater or college campus and kill innocent people. How does that work? Reproduction is only a right when it’s done right. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you should.
“The best and most important legend in anyone’s life is making sure your kids turn out alright” – President Barack Obama
The reason for this rant was to get people to think about more than themselves when it comes to reproduction. The ability to create life is a gift that we shouldn’t be so quick to unwrap just to see what’s inside. For the people who DECIDED to have kids early saying I’m speaking opinion with zero experience, shut the fuck up. Your “experience” came from a mistake, so chances are that’s not the experience you would’ve wanted for yourself or for your children either. My opinion will never mirror your experience because I didn’t make the same mistake you did. You made it do what it do, but the truth is it didn’t have to be that way. I’m not advocating for abortion or saying that you should’ve killed your baby when you got pregnant. The truth is, once the little ones are here it’s almost impossible to imagine life without them. I am however saying we should understand the reasons we do things and make sure that we are doing them for the right reasons. I’m not saying you’re wrong for wanting a family or wanting your name to live on but the world is bigger than YOU; if you can’t understand that then you have no right being a parent to begin with.