I don’t even wanna waste your good time with an intro because it’s a long weekend and there’s plenty of lusty mistakes that you people need to get to ASAP. So lock in. This is my first installment of my “I Hope They Serve Hennessy In Hell” series. Moments in time where I know I was in the wrong but it felt to good, thanks to my sidekick, Henny.
I spent a majority of my life living in the Northeast, so whenever the weather is nice in the spring or fall we are all trying to capitalize in one way or another.
There was an older puddin in my Sociology class that I scoped out on the first day. When I saw her all I could think of was Monster from Boyz N Da Hood saying, “she had big country booty, big country titties ….. it had to be from eatin’ that cornbread and shit!” Baby girl had more curves than a friend zoned nigga’s iMessage.
So I decided I’m going to the next class fresh and see if I can get some type of indicator that she would be interested. It worked just how I played it out in my mind. I came to class fashionably late and took my seat right behind her.It was like her whole energy moved with the scent of my cologne, turning around to say “hello, look who’s looking nice today…” GOTCHA BITCH!
I knew it was a long semester, so I was gonna crock pot the shit outta this puddin. This was gonna have to be a marathon, not a sprint and I was going to tend to this with the utmost care. Within a few weeks we shared a few study dates after class not necessarily to study, but to get each other’s story.
I find out she has a son, recently broke up with her man that she was with for years and she was 28. Initially her age intimidated me, but that intimidation quickly shifted to intrigue. I played the cool position, but I knew that I had her. I just had to wait until her curiosity influenced her cat.
One day, I’m in my homey’s common room playin Madden and I get a text from her that read, “I need you…I’m gonna come pick you up.”
My first reaction was “IT’S GO TIME!” I went in my ace’s room, stole a golden ticket and took off. I probably looked like one of the cartoons where my upper body was still but my legs were moving with a smoke cloud coming from my feet.
I get in her car and we begin driving with no destination, or so I thought. She begins to vent into detail about her problems with her ex that she was still in limbo with. As soon I got to point where I was pissed that I was playing Dr. Phil to a woman that I wanna ravage, we pull up to the Mansfield Hollow Dam (my ECSU/UCONN people may be familiar) We’re at the edge of a pond or whatever and it’s just her and I in her car with the full moon reflecting off the water.
This grown up puddin done set me up for the romance and I was waist deep in a situation I had no familiarity with, so I made it familiar. I leaned in and kissed her in the mouf like I loved her ass for years. Mid make out I think to myself, “I’ve been visualizing what these titties look like for a month now, it’s time to know for sure!” I pulled out that supple C cup breast and it was like heaven when I saw she was pierced. That nipple glimmered in that dark moonlight. I’m not a big fan of titty sucking but god dammit I was all over that titty like it was filled with Louis XIII.
She was moaning and squirming and I wanted to kick things up a notch. I slid my hand down her sweatpants and I got to making music. I was in the band that night. My clitar solo was why the people came out. Just when things got heated and my fingers were excessively glossy she stops me and says she’s not ready for all of this. From the puddle in my hand I knew it wasn’t over, but I’ll concede this night.
The next day, I wake up to a 4 page text about how I made her feel physically and emotionally, sealed by a picture of her in all her naked curvy glory. After engaging in lusty talk for a while, we arranged a time for her to come to my apartment to we can conclude what we started under the moon light. This time, it wasnt going to be romantic. It was Mr. Nasty Time! *raises the roof*
As soon as she walks in the door, we we’re at it. No small talk, no dialogue, nothing. In the middle of the kissing she stops and took a few steps away … pulls her leggings off … crawls on the bed in the doggy position. Good God, I couldn’t have gotten mooned by a more perfect back yard. The first words that were spoken was her looking over her shoulder and saying,” you think you can handle all of this ass?” On the outside, I was the cool , smooth operator that I’m usually am. The excitement gave me a chubby that coulda broke a cinderblock.
Either way, that ass was handled. After about an hour of foreplay and fornication , we hop in the shower to wash off the filth that we just partook in. It wasn’t long before we were humping in the shower. Now I’m not a fan of shower sex because I’m a little too tall for that but she made that shit work. And she got that work.
So I’m two “let offs” deep and I’m laying in the bed replaying the art we just created the past couple hours. She decides to get fellatious and in the back of my mind I’m thinking,” there’s no way I’m going to let off a 3rd time.” Until this day I never had proper oral, so I’m thinking I’ll let her do her thing until her jaw get tired and we’ll go to sleep. WRONG! …. WRONG! She got the last bit of DNA out of me in 5 minutes and I fell asleep immediately after. The 3rd nut up until now is still part myth to most. I played a role in this marathon and I still feel a tad bit tired.
I wish this was a happily ever after story, but it was the polar opposite. Apparently that ex she had was more of a current than an ex. I find this out because the very next day I get a call from him from her phone. She’s in the background crying, he’s on the phone inquiring and I’m eating cereal laughing. Come to find out her man is someone that I’ve hooped with from time to time that doubled me in size.
Picture him being Debo and me being Red … get the picture?
I covered for puddin just to ease the tension so I can go about my business. Fucking wrong again! She shows up to my apt unannounced and when I open the door she was crying with a busted lip and black eye. That nigga caught wind that I was giving his queen orgasms and put boot to ass. She didn’t wanna press charges and I didn’t wanna get involved. That was the last night I saw my cougar and I will forever be indebted to her for the things she showed me ….
Smh I hope they serve Hennessy in Hell because lord knows my lust might keep me outta heaven…