Ask SoPhi | “I Like This New Guy, But I’m Sleeping With My Landlord…” [Response By @_Peez_] | #SoPhi

by • June 13, 2013 • Ask SoPhiComments (0)2004

Woman Choosing between two men
Hi Guys! First and foremost I love your site, its amazing and very diverse. I stumbled across the Ask SoPhi section and would love to hear Philly, Mike or Peez’s opinion on this dilemma I have.

I have been staying in the same brownstone residence for years. I was making six figures in ’08 and the economy took a downturn at which time I lost my job. I advised my landlord and that’s when things got tricky. He and I started a casual relationship. He’s married and I was single. His wife is into local politics and is always busy. He himself is an international businessman/Real Estate Mogul and is always on the go. Whenever he’s in the states their schedules may conflict so I came in handy. When he’s here, I was accessible, I was single and he kept all of my bills paid while I went through a tough patch. Morally I didn’t feel great at all but I have no family here and the family that’s in other states are unable to help me because they depended on me to help them.

In 2011 I met a guy via twitter who is a med student in another state. He’s an awesome person spiritually as well as intellectually. I decided to take him serious as of last year, however my landlord refuses to stop handling my rent and bills for me. Do I just jump out the window and move for a guy who I don’t live with yet or have a ring from? Where does loyalty begin? I do feel bad for still sleeping with my landlord but I don’t know what to do. This is kind of a bird in the hand/bird in the bush problem. However I don’t know which one is in my hand and which is in my bush (No pun intended). Please help me you guys.

Sincerely,
Mel

First, I’d like to express my appreciation of you being a fan/supporter of the site. Now lets get to the real …

You laid out two options for yourself. Either entertain the trick to keep the bills paid, or take a leap of faith with the new love interest and both are bad ideas. So I offer option C, which is to get back work and support yourself. At one point, you were a successful, self sufficient woman, but you’ve become complacent. That complacency has left you in a state of being a slave to the dick. Get back to being that person you were in 2008, so you can take control of your life again.

As far as the landlord goes, It doesn’t seem their you’re attached emotionally. You don’t want to give up on a good, reliable trick, which is understandable. The thing is that you can’t be in any type of relationship where that person is a necessity because dating is pretty much trial and error, with the latter occurring more frequently. You have to establish a concrete and abstract sense of independence, so you’re making relationship decisions with your heart and not your purse.

Now in regards to the new guy, there are a few reasons I don’t believe you should move in with him. First, I’m not sure how serious you two could be if there is another man in the picture paying your bills and stroking you from time to time. You have yet to give the relationship a honest chance because he doesn’t have your undivided attention. It’s hard to gauge your feelings with one person when there’s multiple people filling all types of voids. Second, you don’t want to put the strain of you financial instability on something that could be great. Moving with him at this point in time would be a mistake. Make getting back on your feet your main priority. Once that occurs, you’ll be in a position to take the relationship risks without it being potentially life altering if it doesn’t work out.

@_Peez_

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