Ask SoPhi | “Dear Philly, My Lady Makes More Than I Do…” [Responded to by @PhillyTheBoss] | #SoPhi

by • June 17, 2013 • Ask SoPhiComments (0)2204

Dear Philly

My lady makes substantially more than I do. I make 52K per year, meanwhile she makes 97k a year. She is 4 years older than I and we share the same residence. I think she may be the one but I am be suffering from paranoia. I read a lot of your tweets and without making you feel uncomfortable while you read this – I have attempted to approach things in life a little bit differently as a result. Your philosophy on many things are common sense approaches but with something I can’t quite pinpoint, added. Your book and opinions have helped me. Here’s my issue, Am I a tad bit insecure in the pay gap? Yes. Its tremendous, almost double! How do I not expose my insecurities and ruin a good thing? How do I pursue further growth? How do I make her feel that I am capable of being “The Man”. Honestly, she never makes me feel bad about it intentionally. Although, when she makes purchases it makes me really uneasy. I become very uncomfortable and at times my attitude will shift. Before you know it BOOM we’re in an argument. She’s a great woman. I love her dearly but I can see myself screwing this up completely If I don’t have someone to speak to about this. Your insight on life helps more people than ones who care to admit I’m willing to bet, so help me! Please! P.S. What would be the cost to have you as a mentor?

Thank you for your kind words, I do appreciate them. Very Humbling. With that said..

As I tell most women, and take no offense to this because I am sayin Man to Man – “Don’t let your insecurities or imagination ruin something great.” I once had a woman tell me she didn’t “deserve” me and It threw me completely off. As I got older and I sit back and realize; people who aren’t where they feel they should be or need to be sometimes sub-consciously or even fully aware, destroy good things because they are not ready. What you have to ask yourself is “AM I READY?!” She clearly sees more in you than a yearly salary. Maybe she sees the potential beyond that yearly salary. Don’t let your insecurities make her out to be a liar, do your best at proving her correct in the choice she made in a man. The reason many women speak illogically of what type of man they will settle for is due to a man they gave a chance who didn’t recognize or appreciate the fact that she was truly with him for him. It scars the spirit.

You’re not where you’d like to be, understood. However, show her that by doing. Letting her know you’re not content in mediocrity as you see it. People, not just women, want to see a person make strides and the effort to be better in life. From what I gather, you’re the only one emphasizing your salary. The best I can suggest to you is continue to make the effort to be better. Whether its going back to school, writing out a vision board, coming up with a 5 year plan. Share it all with her. Work on life plans together and then put them into motion. People appreciate things like that. Stop the self destruction. The arguing, debating, faux fights all because you feel a certain way. That’s disrespectful to her and counter-productive to what should be your overall plan in life. If you love her, prove it. She pays for things because in all likelihood she sees the two of you as a unit. She’s looking at a household income of $149k not 97k vs. 52k. You just have to mature in your outlook on things. It’s never how you start, It’s always about the finish.

Be better, do better, pursue greatness (pinpoint what it is you can excel at and cultivate THAT) At the same time appreciate the fact that you have an amazing woman that has your back. Not everyone is that blessed.

P.S. I don’t really have a rate for being a Mentor, never considered it, not even sure you should charge for that. I am open to discuss life with anyone, so feel free to ask. Good luck Abu.

@PhillyTheBoss is Author of the eBook ‘Self-Medication’, a introspective look into his life written in Journal form. It invites the reader in on a relatable journey in order the assist the reader to be introspective themselves. You can purchase Self-Medication on here: Self Medication On

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