Whether its media, television show, chance discussion you over hear, one you’re having yourself… at some point, somewhere you’ve heard: “I date white men/white women because they don’t do ________ (insert idiotic opinion) that black men/women do.” Let me preface my forthcoming theory with: This blog is strictly to evoke thought and provoke discussion. My theory, not necessarily factual but well, you get the idea..
I am a black male (for those tuning in for the first time). Keep that in mind as you read this point of view piece.
The Oreo Theory is basically one which is the marriage of vanilla and chocolate while separating “chocolate & chocolate”. By all means, marry and be with who you love. I personally believe in marrying people and being with people for who they are at their inner most core where their soul resides. Yes, I do find pride in uplifting a black woman. Through the struggles over centuries and centuries, there is a sense of pride in me as a black man to be a part of the effort to change the outcome of our future generations one action at a time. There is no guilt in me when I say that, and any race who look at the plight of the African American culture over time should understand the vantage of those who prefer and take pride in the advancement of the family dynamic which in and of itself historically fractured within the black community.
My issue, my disdain comes when I see a black man or black woman have a conscious disregard of the ever continuing struggle of those within their culture. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I don’t look hard enough, maybe it’s just because I’m not white, but I hardly ever witness white women or white men make it a point to step on the neck of their counterparts while pledging allegiance to a black man or woman. You may find them say “I prefer, or I’m attracted to..”; however, you will hardly see: “I swear you don’t have to go through this shit with a black woman. It’s always something with a white bitch, I tell you”. HARDLY IF EVER. I have numerous circles of friends. Two of the circles have quite a few white guys who date black women within it, and I have never heard the downing of a white woman in any of the discussions we’ve had on dating.
I sometimes and sit back and ask myself “Well, why?”. Unfortunately, I’m too logical to answer that question myself especially since I never would, so I let it go and continue about my days. I do, however, have a continuance into the depth of “The Oreo Theory”..
I urge you to re-read the part of the title within the parentheses before you combat me on what I am about to say… The women (and men, but since I date women I will focus on them) who tend to be arrogant and ignorant enough to make such claims are usually not trying to date the white guy who’s a cashier at the local grocer. They’re typically the type to put on their best threads to attract the white guy whom would love a beautiful black queen on his arm. Shit, I don’t blame him. I love them too. He may be a lawyer, banker, broker, multi-generational law enforcement officer. Something of significance. Not to say he didn’t work hard, but let’s be clear. There’s a compelling case to say there are little parallels in the struggle of one coming up Black in America and one being raised as a white man. In fact, a woman I recently witnessed adorn white men with her ever loving praise, a month or two ago stated herself that the system for blacks is much tougher. INTERESTING.
Let’s use what I like to call “Hypothetical Logic”. The young black guy who may or may not be from a broken home who has or is doing his best to change his outcome VS the white guy who is the broker who can give you everything you want and more. I’m not here to call you a sell-out. In fact I don’t ever. This is squarely about the stepping on the neck of your own, as you leave. Just as the creme within the Oreo, as you hug up with it, you lose touch with.. ehh never mind. Let’s move on.
The black man who doesn’t come from privilege or excess and abundance will 9 times out of 10 have money management ways that differ from those who were granted the aforementioned options. His screening process is a bit different; he’s aware of the bottom. He’s felt it and lived it far too long. He wants support that will assist him in elevating and continuing his upward trend instead of a mere trophy due to his struggle. When you say what a white man will do that black men won’t, what exactly are you in disgust of?
When a young black girl has never met her father or her father abandons the home at a young age and she then has to understand how to love men, how to deal with men, how to coexist with men, what true love from men feels like and what abuse is, what we tell her is, “You’re on your own because this white woman doesn’t give me such headaches”. Even if her father is around who’s to say he’s the greatest? Who’s to say she wasn’t preyed on as a child? I’ve been candid about my upbringing before I will be now. I was 9 years old hustling the corner. By ten a classmate in my 5th grade class was pregnant by a friend of mine, a dope boy from the corner who was seventeen. She had no father figure. Clearly her mom wasn’t shit. Teachers sat her in the back of the class; she was isolated. Many days we forgot she was in class because she was pushed so far to the back. No one says she has to be taken on by you and we are obligated to marry her. Yet at what point do we understand and is conscious of the actual plight in our culture to where we know better than to embarrass our people while praising others in another culture? Especially of the culture who is responsible for the initial oppression?
“At the end of the day”.. You don’t have to date your race. Your happiness should be the most important thing to you. When you’re happy, you are able to make others happy. You want to make others happy. Date who you please, just don’t step on the neck of those from which you come on your way out. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If you can’t be apart of the solution exacerbate the problem.
But what do I know?! I’m just a black man who doesn’t mind using a lil elbow grease with my black queen and by chance it doesn’t work out, she doesn’t have to fear me saying she’s less valuable than her female counterparts of other nationalities and cultures. I’m just here to make you think, that’s all…
@PhillyTheBoss is Author of the eBook ‘Self-Medication’, a introspective look into his life written in Journal form. It invites the reader in on a relatable journey in order the assist the reader to be introspective themselves. You can purchase Self-Medication on Amazon.com here: Self Medication On Amazon.com