Purple Rain is one of my favorite movies ever! Blame my mama for making me a huge Prince fan. One day I was trying to figure out why I loved the movie so much and then it dawned on me, I could strongly relate to Apollonia. In case you aren’t familiar with the movie, here’s a short run down of a couple scenes that made me realize how much alike Apollonia and I are. Prince’s character is named The Kid and Apollonia is his love interest. They’re near some lake in the woods, just the two of them, frolicking and discussing life and what not. Apollonia asks The Kid to help her with something and he tells her, “You must purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.” Apollonia smirks, strips down to her undies, and jumps right in the lake. But when she gets out, The Kid tells her that wasn’t Lake Minnetonka, WOMP!!!! In another scene, Apollonia and The Kid are walking through the mall. The Kid is a musician and sees a guitar in a store window that he really likes but can’t afford. Fast forward some time and Apollonia surprises him with the guitar.
What possessed Apollonia to do these things? She was in love. And girl, I can relate! I don’t know what it is, but when I really like a man and feel a connection, my logic hops in the back seat and my endorphins take the wheel.Back in the day, I would go out of my way performing random acts of kindness and bending over backwards for men doing any and everything I could for them. I felt like I had to show and prove my love for them and win them over. I thought showing them that I was willing to go the extra mile and fulfill whatever needs they had would cause the love I had for them to be reciprocated. It was a hard pill to swallow when I learned that no matter how far you’re willing to go for a man, if he isn’t ready, he won’t give a f*ck and you’ll be left naked and shivering by a body of water that isn’t even the body of water he told you you had to jump into while he’s on stage with the guitar you bought him and flaunting it to all the heauxs. Talk about a mind f*ck!!!! I’ve done all type of sh*t for men; bailing them out of jail, giving them allowance because they lost their job, buying clothes and shoes, and plenty of other “Ride or Die Chick” activities. I thought my loyalty and my willingness to do whatever it takes would be valued and seen for the rarity it is.
As I got older and went through my period of analyzing past relationships and recurring themes in them, I had to take a long look at myself and ask where was my random acts of kindness were coming from. I learned it was coming from a place of insecurity. I felt like giving until I had nothing left to give was the way to a man’s heart. I thought that if I did everything a man wanted, he’d have no choice but to love me. I was so wrong.
The wise Desi still falls head over heels for men and I still like to go the extra mile for people but now I do it without expectations of receiving anything. It took practice. Now, I may do something nice for someone but I remind myself that there is a possibility that he may pull the fadeaway and never even speak to me again in life. If I’m willing to risk that and not jeopardizing myself in any way, I proceed to be nice. I genuinely love to make people smile just by being thoughtful and making them feel like they’re special. It’s a quality I never want to do away with, I am just cautious and enforce limits now. I’m able to do something for #Him out of the kindness of my heart and be totally okay with whatever he does after. I can only control me and if I know my intentions are good, the universe will take care of me in the long run. So my advice to all the ladies who are naturally givers and need fulfillers like me, realize a man owes you nothing. You chose to give of yourself. Giving only for the purpose of receiving will always leave you on E. So what if he takes your kindness for blindness, life goes on. Let him go and find someone who appreciates what you have to give.