An Inside Look: “Dig Deep, The Beast Within”

by • September 7, 2013 • SoPhiComments (0)1222

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The beast within in me wasn’t even 12 yet… I wasn’t even 11 years old when they saw me as food. I wasn’t even 11 1/2 before I saw them as minions. I’m from where plan A was made out of desperation and Plan B was made just in case we got alive and failed.

You can’t circle a lion and expect not to lose life, limb or at the minimum learn a grave lesson. I’m comfortable in tight spaces, you couldn’t press me enough to flinch. The gods responsible for this type of fearless behavior pray i use it correctly.

Nothing you can scrounge up to use against me can present fear that I didn’t see before the age of 9. I watched my father/superhero flat line in my mothers arms. Then they told me it gets worse. The stare they got back was colder than the death I witnessed.

EMT’s performed a miracle on my father in the ambulance to the ER but the child in me died that night. It’s easily observed that the light switch in me to detach is worn on my sleeve.

Dig deep they said. Find the inner peace. The story of how walls are built come with a foundation of loyal faces becoming nightmares. The beast within in me just really wants to sleep. You’re caught in regular life happenings when the devil lights the stove and places you in a pot to cook.

As the years passed I just channeled it all towards small goals because in all honesty I was supposed to quit ages ago. Priding myself on being 10 steps ahead of whats being planned for me, because that’s the only way you can exist in a world when the odds scour at the idea of ever being in your favor.

The liters of alcohol consumed when the night falls, just put a more vivid image to the past. The therapy comes in small doses like watching someone short of breath grasp for air. This written piece is for anyone that had to create a beast within them to climb above the evils.

You find the strongest fight in the people that scramble for their life at an early age. Raised in the trenches is a gift and a curse. You could lose your sanity trying to gain some.

You dig deep, cause the beast within you, is your only ally. That’s the last piece of you that keeps you alive. The strongest version of anything you could ever be just needs a chance to grace the moment.

 

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