I often sit back and think about the relationship I have with my mother. Granted, as it may be, there are still minor strains in it. After all in my most crucial and developmental years, I was raised by my grandmother. While I am my mother’s child, there is still a gap in understanding that’s hard to clear or make up.
My mom is very much an extrovert. Her and my sister are the same in that way. Both are loud in the sense that they are undoubtedly heard before being seen. Great intentions, but their personalities are like bulls in a china shop. Whereas my father and I are the introverts—the quiet types. We’ve mastered the art of capturing attention without saying a word. I want to say I inherited that because quite honestly it’s all unintended. I’m just not the social or talkative type if I don’t know you and could quite frankly could care less about what you’re saying in the process.
My mom means well so it’s what allows me to put the agitation aside. Losing my grandmother in 2008 also helped me face a harsh reality: Life’s greatest treasures aren’t promised to us. The cruel cycle of life—to be nurtured, held, kissed, loved, and celebrated by a parent you then have to turn around and one day bury. Many days in the streets, I didn’t fear dying because I feared outliving the people I loved most. In a weird way, I was afraid of losing the people I loved more than myself. Losing my grandmother in ’08 is what drew me even closer to my mom. It made me realize in the strongest sense ever that we only get but so much time on this Earth and only one mother.
The roads are bumpy at times because my mom has this vision of where she thinks we should be, and she tries to force it; however, my personality isn’t very conducive to her approach. She doesn’t even notice that she can call me at any time to say things like “hey I’m going to have a surgery”, and I’ll be on the next flight out without hesitation. I cut whatever it is I’m doing short for my mother. Writing this, I realize the strain is her attempting to compensate for the time missed. We’ll never make up those years. I’ve already written them off; no bitterness about them. I’m not sure she even knows I truly forgive her, although I’ve said it to her. I’m not sure she realizes how much I do to make her happy.
My mom is the 2nd biggest cheerleader I’ve ever had in life. She’s a big baby—stubborn, selfish, sometimes loud and obnoxious; nevertheless, dealing with her has definitely showed me how to handle and love all of a person even if we’re quite different. If you’re reading this on the book release date, I’ll be flying out to see my mom so we can cruise through the countryside together. I’ll be telling her how much I love her and how irreplaceable she is to me. We have to uplift and praise our queens. None of us are perfect. I just don’t want my mother to bear the burden of guilt anymore. The rest of our days on this Earth are limited. The mental prison is unnecessary.
I love you mom. I am as proud of you as I hope you are of me. Wear your crown proudly. You’re still my queen and that will never change. There’s no past to fix; only a future I want you to enjoy.
Life isn’t a video game. We don’t get multiples. There is no “Re-Spawn” button. Once it’s over, this is it. Communicate, love one another. Once our clock stops, we’re done. Never take for granted the moments you have today. We all have an “Idea” of what we think is right. That same Idea may not align with others. It shouldn’t create hatred. Allow it to create discussion and healthy communication. Learning, Loving and Growth will create less regrets in the Long run.