If you haven’t read part 1, stop right now and read it I want to specifically speak with the ladies, because I feel that much of how men are valued in our society, is accredited to us. I’ll start by saying, some of you ladies just need to admit that you’re a gold digger and save us the trouble to view you as a person that isn’t shallow. It’s ok, own up to it.
“Men shouldn’t be dating if they are broke”. “Love don’t pay the bills”
Financial stability is very important and practical, especially for a family. But if you feel that providing is a man’s sole purpose and responsibility, then you also need to brace yourself for the conditions, upon which may come with said man , whom is fully equipped of that responsibility. I’m not one for telling anybody they have outrageous standards, because in reality there is a man or woman that will fall in line. However, people that don’t befit your standards are not worthless and devalued, because of whatever orthodox you subscribe to. Then, we have ladies who ride or die for men who have no intention or desire to contribute to a family and household in any manner. But who’s judging?
Potential vs. Actuation
The line between “he could be a good provider” vs. “He IS a good provider” can be hair thin or thick, depending on the man. Whether a man is a good provider or not is mostly shown through his ability and/or willingness to get things done. Potential is a tricky thing because , it can be seen in 2 ways: 1.In an idle state 2. In an Active state. That’s where you toggle between logic and emotion to decide if you want to give a man a chance based on what he COULD be or what he is working towards being. Does he show that he could be a good provider through his actions (actuation), or do you feel he could be a good provider based on energy and dreams he sells? I’ve met plenty men who said they want to have a family and provide for them, all while using their McDonalds checks to collect Jordan’s in their mamas basement. I’ve also encountered men who said the same thing, but not as much verbally. It was evident that they were working towards securing a future by the moves they were making. Then there’s the other men that have money and have reached their potential, but aren’t so much concerned with providing as they are with upholding an image.
I’ll revisit the “broken down car” scenario I used in Part 1. Your car breaks down, you’re frantic , you have to get to work, you don’t have emergency funds. You tell your boyfriend. You have no idea what he’s going to say or do, unless you’ve been in this situation before, but one thing is for damn sure, you’re looking for him to do SOMETHING. Let’s say the cost to get your vehicle fixed isn’t currently affordable for you or him, now what? Does he offer to drop you off and pick you up from work? Share his car temporarily? Or maybe he DOES have the money but decides it would be more practical to fix the malfunction himself. Any man with the means, can pull out his wallet, swipe a debit card, withdraw cash from an ATM, but a man with character and critical thinking skills, looks for a solution; he shows that he has your best interest at heart. A good provider choses the best and practical decisions to benefit those in their care. Women can have the tendency to take advantage of the double standard in society , in that, we aren’t expected to be the financial provider in a relationship, so some tend to devalue and emasculate men who fall short. It’s no different than when we are devalued for not being domestic. I’ll make this simple as I can : In retrospect, no man that truly loves his woman and family, wants to see their needs unattended to. He even wants to provide some wants if he’s able to. If your man is financially stable and providing for you, let me borrow a few hands for an applause. Commendable. But if ever he isn’t *able* , I see it appropriate to value a man on how he contributes and still provides in ways other than financially. Judge him by what he does when he has nothing.
If your man just isn’t quite there yet, he hasn’t landed his dream job , his business hasn’t kicked off yet, the Mexican cartel increased the /price of a brick….whatever the reason. Examine how he manages to seek your needs and ensure that you are comfortable, even if what he does is minimal.
Somewhere in all the gender roles and relationship cliches, we get selfish and lose sight of what’s truly important. Support the men with the good intentions. Support the men with durable work ethic. Support the men that are honest in their way of life. Support the men that provide security and stable atmosphere & environment. Money comes & goes but character is forever.