Every year there’s the overzealous loved one who wants to go “Over The Top”, buy gifts without thinking or do something stupid for your birthday. None of us are immune. With my Birthday being Sunday, here’s 5 things that can make it all bad. 5 Terrible Birthday Ideas:
5. NEVER, EVER, EVER – Take me to an establishment and have weird ass strangers in uniform sing me “Happy Birthday”. Let me let you in on a little secret.. While they’re singing Happy Birthday I’m actually wishing I could get away with a mass homicide. I envision how all their deaths go, including yours. NOT one of your better Birthday Ideas.
4. Don’t Buy Me Clothes – I’m not dressing like a mannequin from the mall for my birthday, nor am I dressing the way you wish I’d dress, for my birthday. If you are not a celeb stylist nor did I ever say “baby, pick out my clothes” don’t go picking out my clothes. What is wrong with you? Who told you to think on your own? Just don’t. My birthday is going to be ruined because I ruined your day, by frowning at this ugly ass shit, YOU purchased. This is definitely one of the more terrible Birthday Ideas.
3. Don’t Get Drunk – You are not allowed to get more drunk than me, on my birthday. I’ve experienced this 3 birthdays ago. It was terrible. I’m not even sure how or why one would get more drunk than the birthday person. Yeah don’t because I’m not hauling anyone in the house, to the car, off the lawn, on my birthday. I’ll fuck you up though. I’ll definitely fuck you up.
2. Do Not – Call me at Midnight. I’m not a woman, I don’t care about shit like that. I’m about to be 32, I need my rest. Why is your selfish ass waking me up? It’s an awkward call after you yell “happy birthday” in my ear.. “So old man, how u feel..” Or the classic dumb ass question “So, whatcha doin?” Just save that shit for the morning. I appreciate it much more, then.
1. Surprise Parties – AND THE NUMBER ONE DUMBASS IDEA… Surprise Parties. Let me tell you, no one lives at the end of these. I’ve been thrown a Surprise party before, you never hear people discuss it because, guess what? No one made it out alive. You like living, don’t you? Never, ever, ever Throw me a surprise party, of all all Ideas, this is definitely thee worst Birthday Idea.