Often times as a man you spot a woman from afar and adore everything about what you see. Let’s be frank, not many people walking this Earth wear their vulnerabilities on their sleeve. That glow and potential we see, is real. As is the dark side of everything that she has encountered in life. When we meet everyone, we meet their representative. Whichever one they decide to use in order to filter, attract people to or dissuade people from, them. Also known as “The Wall.” Guys like me typically work our way around the wall. Due to studying women the same way we’ve studied opponents in whatever sport we’ve been apart of. The baggage of a woman, is the opponent of a good and genuine man. There’s no such thing as a perfect season in this game, every man has fallen victim to the hands of defeat.
Right Person, Wrong Time
This is one of the dumbest sayings on Earth. There is absolutely no such thing for those who understand the concept of time. Eventually, you run out. Eventually enough is enough. Eventually your days here on this Earth which are numbered, expires. God forbid your death isn’t sudden and you have a “death bed” ending. You will have looked back on life thinking of all the things you have taken for granted, especially time. You know what the crazy thing about all the baggage that hinders you from moving on and accepting greatness as opposed to the mediocrity in your life? Is that the baggage you’re carrying isn’t yours. Whatever someone has done to you, is their burden they must carry. Eventually the conscious kicks in. The more they don’t deal with it, the tougher the burden becomes. Ones transgressions on you isn’t a reflection of you as a person. It’s a reflection of the person you chose to share time with. The only way to find resolve is to adjust the process in which you screen people, not to shun people or isolate yourself from. Greatness in a mate isn’t awaiting you whenever you see fit, it’s unpredictable, spontaneous and exclusive.
Figure the logic, he was right for you, however you were too busy carrying about the baggage of the previous man. Still attached to a man who no longer wants you or doesn’t deem you a priority. He’s out “Honeymooning” with a new lady, meanwhile you’re still unpacking the luggage from the trip you shared with him. Seems unfair, doesn’t it? Yet you seem to want to sift through it and sort things out. Instead of welcoming the man who will remove you from the clutter and put you in a clear mind and better space, you’re miserable.. and voluntarily. Easier said than done, I know but there’s someone who is reading this that will snap out of their funk and that’s good enough for me.
“Find A Man Who Will Help You Unpack”
That’s not his job, and he’s a fuckin idiot for trying. To unpack baggage, that you shouldn’t even be unpacking is counterproductive. No relationship will ever work if you don’t allow the person a fair shot at creating their own destiny within your life. The same way walls keep people out, they lock you in. No one wins. Have a sit down with the person you have become enamored with and express expectation, wants & desires. “All men are this” or “All Women are that” is for the birds. No woman I’ve ever dealt with can say “He isn’t upfront about his wants and what he wont accept.” Even with women I’ve had casual sex with in the past, there’s guidelines for dealing with me. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being upfront and saying the same in reverse, I’d respect it. It’s ok to state what you expect from someone who plans to occupy a position – tactfully and tastefully, I should add.
Your biological urge of wanting companionship kicks in sooner or later and you decide to bait a partner in. Not only do you try to manipulate your emotions by trying not fall for this person, you selfishly try to talk this person into manipulating theirs. If you can’t, you proceed to go along to get along because you “Kinda” don’t want to miss out on a great person, yet you don’t want to give much because of your fears of being crushed or disappointed. Over time the expectations this person has goes unfulfilled because you’re on a different wavelength than they are. They’re giving an honest effort and you’re not ready. Stop that. Think of yourself as an adult, why would someone have to repeat or request something to or of you multiple times? Stop poaching. Give your all and open yourself up to love or at least a great friend that will and can understand you.
The Transference Of Baggage
Some of the distrust in a mate has been embedded in many from the mouths and actions of parents and parental figures which raised them. The most condemning thing I was ever told was “If a woman is trying to fuck you too good, she’s trying to set you up, get out of there.” And that was told to me by my grandmother. Still a useful gem. However many have heard the words of their parents or family members be repeated over and over again, disparaging the opposite sex for their failures or shortcomings. Example, my cousin. She’s says “All men are the same” yet, she’s wack. Of course they all treat you the same, you’re not worth dating. Prey on a sucker and try to get him to marry you.
I had a woman I love, God mother call me once.. it was the most off base and ridiculous discussion I’ve ever had, touch my ears. Somehow she classified ME, in the same category as all the men she dated who lived out of town. (Mind you she never met me and don’t know me.) Yeah, your hurt runs deep, but I’m listening sugarplum. She proceed to speak on even more shit that was extremely pointless and ridiculous to me. I thought to myself. “Based off this convo alone, I can tell you why your relationship outcomes will be different from My lady’s.” Yet, I was respectful and let her finish. My grandma raised a man. However, with all the bullshit she spewed, imagine if my woman was a sponge? If my lady watched all the results from women around her and assumed “That’s just how men is.” People always have to understand, someone else experience will never be your own. Especially when the outcomes are based on personal experience. You may relate to somethings but instead of embracing the convenient excuse, create your own outcome.
Not all outcomes are the same, because all people aren’t the same. Aim to be the best person you can be and that alone will minimize the bullshit you encounter. People will know to come correct or not come at all. Yet, if you do stumble upon a wolf in sheep clothing, it’s their creation. Pick up the pieces, know where you went wrong. Understand it, but never be a slave to someone else’s lack of accountability. The burden isn’t yours to bear. You’re the victim, yet you’re no fool. Pick yourself up, Grab what’s yours only and move on. Beautiful things in life await your arrival.