It’s almost that time, my memoir that shares an intimate look into the challenges I faced when I moved to New York is just about done! I am still hoping it’s ready tomorrow but it’s possible that it may be delayed a few days. For now, please check out this excerpt:
“My back pressed against the light post, I slid down and sat cross-legged. I pulled my sign out of my bag and rested the sides on both knees. “LOST JOB, RENT DUE, ALMOST HOMELESS,” it read. I placed my red plastic cup just a few inches in front of me. It was early September, 1:00AM on a Wednesday night, still dark with the faint light I was under and as always, people were out. Now what, Desiree? My mind began to race as I began to berate myself. It really was all good just a week ago – well, at least better than this, because I wasn’t on the verge of being homeless until now. Here I am, a beggar on the street. Look at what you’ve become, Desiree. Look at what you’ve done. There’s no point in calling anyone, because you’re the dumbass who decided to pick up and move here. Now, you have to deal with the consequences. I passed homeless people and beggars all the time, but never would I have guessed I would be one.
I was down to my last $20, but I needed at least $150 by Monday to cover the past week’s rent. I hoped to get the job I interviewed for earlier this day, but even then, how likely was it that I would make $150 in just a few days? I took a deep breath, trying to reduce my anxiety at the possibility of a shelter having to be my next move. Temporarily, of course, until I got on my feet. I’m smarter than this. How could I allow myself to slip into this situation? I’ve been evicted before, but at least I was able to plan and have my next spot lined up. There’s no next spot this time. Every single shred of security has vanished from my life. No job, no idea where my next meal is coming from, and no place to lay my head at night.
Moving back to St. Louis wasn’t an option. I’m in New York and I’m going to work it out. All these years of positive thinking and affirmations are so necessary right now. I’ve been through so much in life and things always seemed to work out. I’m sure they will this time, too. I started offering myself some encouragement. Everything happens for a reason. One day I’ll look back at this and smile because I made it through. What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger. If nothing else, this will make for a good story. All those cliche sayings that people don’t want to hear when they’re going through a storm, I said to myself. I knew that if I just focused on those sayings and ignored the doubt that come, maybe some great idea would pop in my head that I hadn’t thought of yet.”