Ask Philly: “Where Is The Good Man, For Me?!” | #SoPhi

by • November 17, 2014 • Ask SoPhiComments (0)1226

Dear Philly!
Over the past few years I have been having a difficult time dating…I mean SERIOUSLY dating. I am currently divorced (2 years) and a single parent. I’d like to consider myself driven…. I am multiple degreed, monogamous, professional, well versed, decent credit score and extremely personable…You know, MANY of the things that are supposed to assist in finding a like-minded gentlemen. Let me add that my parents raised my sisters and I to be exceptional women and my mothers example of a lady, wife and mother was stellar and I emulated her, so I have the ‘well rounded woman’ thing on smash (so I think). I have standards and have found myself lowering them to have the opportunity to hang out in the company of a man (movies, dinner, museums, etc..). I have had friends introduce me to men, gone on dating sites (The Devil lives on dating sites BTW), everything short of taking out a WANTED ad and to no avail. And to add insult to injury my line of work leaves me in somewhat of a bubble and I dont get asked out a lot. I am about 5 minutes away from going to a matchmaker just so I can have someone to hang out with. I reside in a city that has an extreme amount of men on the downlow, men looking for a come up and/or players. From a man’s perspective, what is a woman to do when the pickings are slim? What do men do when they can’t find the needle in the haystack?

Frustrated and dateless somewhere on the East Coast

From Philly:
I actually laughed, No Offense. There’s a few issues here, that should be adjusted if you’re going to seek a healthy situation with anyone. First things first. The rule of “You are what you attract” will always and forever apply. With that being said, that doesn’t make you a bad person. Most people only read things at the surface and fail to realize the deeper layers. From what I gather (albeit as described by yourself), you’re a solid woman. Definitely worth dating, Until….. Your desperation is the big red flag. Huge red flag. You have all of these great attributes, which are undermined by your desperate need for companionship. Refocus your focus. You may be a great woman, who wonders “Well why don’t great men come swoop down and save me?” Well, because the stench of loneliness and sheer desperation escapes your pores. Not to run down all of my greatness, we’d be here all day. However, to give you a sense of things. Most people who see me in my element or pay close attention can tell that I love to help people, philanthropist etc. Even if it’s a blog like this, I’m always taking the time to help. Someone may come to me for advice and the next I know, I’m being told that they have a crush on me. What have I realized I attract? Women who need help or a savior or women who share the same interest. They are attracted to what I show. Men are attracted to what you show. You are on dating sites, looking for connections, you’re willing to go to a matchmaker to be connected. You show your desperation, not so much the great qualities you expressed here. Unless he shares the same hopelessness as you, he’s like bound to prey upon.

Focus on you, Love yourself and build yourself. At that point will you find the right person. The person who wants to be a part of a healthy situation. Right now, nothing may work out because even if there is a union, it’s built on fragile parts. No man can appreciate your greatness, because you have yet to appreciate it. Stay off the dating sites. Stay away from the matchmaker. Build an organic union. Find someone who appeals to you, proceed with conversation, have no expectations. Just enjoy healthy interaction. You’ll be fine.


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