It’s finally my turn during #SoPhiWeek. Glad we all made it. Hopefully it doesn’t disappoint.
Term: Free Agent
Definition: free a·gent – noun: 1. a person who does not have any commitments that restrict their actions
a sports player who is not bound by a contract and so is eligible to join any team.
During the Free Agent phase of ones love life we find ourselves looking for a suitable suitor. One who value what we bring to the table, acknowledge our great attributes and help build or develop where we are weak. Which would eventually lead to the long term deal and franchise player designation. Many of us date with the end game being retiring with the team (person) you agreed and came to terms to/with. This is where it gets tricky…
Before I get too deep into my discussion this isn’t about the shortcoming of women, in fact in the next few lines I will share, that I too go into situations with expectations. However, social media is filled with those who like to argue, and if you follow me on Twitter you realize this little piece of disclaimer is basically my “Ay, Shut the Fuck up.” Statement.
Where were we, ah yes.. When I was a young guy (teens) I allowed my money to talk for me, albeit illegal, there wasn’t many with as much money as I, in my hood. As I got older I built onto the foundation of the person, became more spiritual, more self conscious, socially aware, politically aware and never every took timeout from learning as well as unlearning. Which makes me the man I am today. I’ve built the franchise, the entity that is me. However, when dating, not only are you the franchise, you’re the free agent. As a young man I always had the dream of finding the one who you can share the rest of your life with, starting businesses and creating charities with, as well as building my family. I’ve never been the “fuck bitches, get money” type. That mentality isn’t even conducive to my lifestyle because to make it where I come from, stability somewhere, is something you need on your side. However no one told me “the more you build, the more complicated the process can become.”
We, people like you and myself, we build ourselves up & we create a “culture” so to speak of what’s necessary, what’s allowable and what absolutely won’t be tolerated. Due to my background, hardwork and ambition is embedded within my “franchise”. It’s something that’s a must among the many other things I’ve built and pride myself on. Of course I don’t want to bring in someone who doesn’t embody the same values I take pride in. So I do as any normal person would, I set a standard. A standard of which I like many others may stray away from for “redeeming qualities, but they’re there. Here’s the problem? Who’s to say my targeted free agent see’s me as someone who meets their standards? Or current needs? She could very much Frank Gore me. Agree to my very terms, go home and think: “Ya know? I need something different. He’s good but he’s not the right fit.”
Unlike a real team, we, even I have taken that personal. “Look at all that I’ve built, look at my attributes, I never, go Dutch, I pay for all dates, I love hard, like to cuddle.. What’s wrong with YOU? Enjoy the projects bih!” Ok, no I haven’t said all of that but some of us have said one if not all of that. I’ve personally watched people, on social media point out their looks and great qualities when rejected, passed over or done wrong. They take it personal, the taste of rejection resembles that of bad fruit.
Here’s the thing: “it’s not you, it’s me.” Is a true statement because while I may be the perfect quarterback to lead the team, she might not be in the market for one. Maybe SHE’S a great leader and doesn’t see a bullish guy like myself is conducive to her lifestyle at the time, it’s not for me to take personal. Yes, you may be a good woman in a domestic sense, maybe at the point he’s at in his life he needs a different type of player.
I’ve met a woman or 2 who made demands of me that I felt they weren’t worth. Going in, they were something I wanted. I tendered an offer, and they took the veteran minimum. High risk, high reward. What most ppl would call; “Dating potential”. You see the potential in someone and you engage. You see everything the person good be and if you’re a maverick like myself, you take on the task. However you shortly realize why they were, where you found them. Do they deserve love? Absolutely. Just not from me. I’m almost certain women feel the same way, you’re a great woman with a ton to offer you meet a guy who’s not quite everything you want, but you can work with him. Shortly thereafter you realize it’s time to waive his rights. Only a fool will invest even more or lock him up long term. How does one impregnate or get pregnant by a prospect? Why don’t you care about the long-term vitality of your franchise?
The game of love is rough. The free agency period is always the worst. Knowing your worth is half the battle. Finding someone who fills your needs while you meet theirs is where it all get tricky.
Free Agency should never be misconstrued for late rounds in the draft. It’s not about getting the best player available, because you may not need a person at that position. Free agency is about getting a quality vet to fill a glaring need where you’re weak, in order to make the whole unit stronger. You may not fit there, but you’ll win that championship when you find that special place and franchise player whom covets you the most.